Say it ain't so, Slow Mo...

Well, it's not Hurricanes Football. But since Miami Faithful had to constantly hear the name Maurice Clarett these past few seasons and endure his overplayed Fiesta Bowl highlight everytime he was in the news for another crime -- it's only fitting that we chime in here and share our two cents regarding this quality individual.

Congrats, Slow Mo.

Three years ago you were a top your game regarding college football. You sat out the 2003 season after being charged with misdemeanor falsification on a police report. Soon after that black eye, you dropped out of college. You challenged the NFL in an attempt to be included in the 2004 NFL Draft and lost that battle.

Denver gave you what was a third or fourth chance in the NFL Draft, choosing you in the fifth round. At best, you deserved to go in the seventh. You alienated your Broncos teammates and soon found yourself cut from the franchise.

On the financial front, it's been reported that you are over $1M in debt from legal fees - in going toe to toe with the NFL (and losing.) Your superagent also turned down that $413,000 contract from Denver because you both felt you deserved incentives if/when you became a superstar.

You rang in the 2006 New Year by jacking two Columbus, OH locals (who probably cheered for you during the 2002 football season, no less.)

You made off with a cell phone, $150 in cash and the .45 caliber handgun you used to stick them up. Over 2,000 miles away your former team was putting a beating down Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl.

As impossible as this next statement sounds... all your past hijinx pale in comparison after last night's actions.

For those who missed it, you were arrested. Again.

A police chase ensued. The stun gun made an appearance... a failed one, at that. Why? Because you were wearing a bulletproof vest, silly! As you were in the paddy wagon - throwing a fit, kicking the doors and being a problem for the police involved - they tore apart your sweet Hyundai SUV and found four loaded weapons. You were sitting on a 9-millimeter handgun, next to a half-full bottle of Gray Goose and a children's CD.

Where can things really go from here? Honestly, Maurice. You had the world by the tail. All you had to was stay on the semi-straight and narrow. Hell, you were attempting to get into the troubled NFL. You weren't heading into corporate America.

You've used up every 'sympathy card' you had. Sitting here today, no one feels sorry for you. Some are even laughing at you. You're a reality TV show gone wrong. A fairy tale without the happy ending. A joke with a confusing punchline.

Your legacy? You're considered more of a one-hit wonder and running joke than Vanilla Ice.

You're "incredible" Fiesta Bowl performance against Miami? Let's set that record straight while we're at it; 23 carries for 47 yards. Someone needs to remind ESPN - as they church up your accolades - you were outrushed by your QB in that game. Yeah, you got your game winner* in overtime. We all know that because it's the only highlight we ever see of you on TV. Your resume came to crashing halt that evening.

Enjoy prison, MC. That's the only thing in your foreseeable future - and sadly, probably the safest place for a thug such as yourself. You're not only a menace to society, but you're a threat to yourself.

Hopefully your cell will have ESPN GamePlan and the NFL package - so you can reminisce about what was, while pondering what will never be.



.:Canes305:.